Part 12: Turn 12
We interrupt this program to bring you the latest news by the Syrupleaf Fortress Story Network.
A crack team of veteran dwarf fortress arena gladiators, best known by their moniker THE PLUMP HELMETS, have broken into a fortified posting complex at an undisclosed location. From there they recovered records of the Disney Wars that went missing along with their author during the Landlord Fragility Incident. Dubbed the Catjail Papers by our correspondents, they will be released for our audience here, on SFSN! In order to comply with posting, probation, and evasion regulations, they will be read out loud by Urist McRubble, retired expedition leader.
*ehem* Attached via paperclip to the first document is the following note:
pre:
CLICK COWARD, YOU ONLY PROBATE A MAN
Turn 12! Pretender Gods who are dormant can start awakening starting this turn.
but mine didn't 
No new research or sites. Some fights and events and one event spoils we won a fight. Well,l I
was expecting to win. Let us see...
Looks like a lot of beef here actually.
Very amusing.
This is kind of the situation I want to avoid in general but the principle of attacks per square should see us through. Any attack into a square can only hit one target in the square, which makes it hard to focus down groupings of smaller troops at least.
I was expecting it to be more costly. Nice.
Next fight. This looks a lot softer.
My boring dudes hold the line while the sacred scythe through everything.
Hey look my prophet smite stunned the kraken nifty. You can see his defense penalized to 1.
What is with all of these pond wiz- SHIT HE HAS A SWORD
it doesnt help. He doesn't even drop it for us.
Events. I guess this is off that plague event earlier.
Give a hoot, guys.
i... i don't have anyone to send
Overview! Expansion continues apace. We might see phaecia UW soon. Also, what in the actual heck is this wailing lady ghost province?
Hiring is the same sort of boring stuff. I make yet another closed realms dude because I need an air breathing temple maker for the coast fort I am doing.
Troops are expanding. Hopefully my god wakes up next turn and we can chat about my bless.
The following note was stapled to the back of the first document.
quote:
samog
hello @Kremath please be aware that i am taking province 37 and 48 this turn and any attemps to walk into them wil lbe seen as an act of war and i will feebly poke at u over and over
also @Byrdman 43 and 52 are mine too. and will be full of fart stink and make you sick if you put people in them
im joking, about my feebleness. i have very many strongnesses and will defeat you easily should we fight.
bread bread
wow @Ganjdalf the Purple nice aggression. can we get an alliance against this guy going
how are u
marignon smells blood in the water!
Ganjdalf the PurpleToday at 8:41 PM
:smirk_cat:
Tune in tomorrow for the next edition of the Catjail Papers.
And for our next exclusive report: Is Urist McRubble actually two gremlins in a trenchcoat? Are they going to run for the arena championship? And will the spear manufacturing lobby try to prevent this?